Ndenze Udliwanondlebe Namadoda angama-46 Aqhathe. Oku koko ndikufundileyo.

Ukukopa iqabane ayisiyonto abantu abaninzi bayamkelayo ngokulula, ngenxa yoko kusondele-akunakwenzeka ukubeka naliphi na inani ngqo kulo mbandela.

Isifundo esinye sinokuthi ngokuqinisekileyo yitsho kwenzeka kwiipesenti ezingama-70 zayo yonke imitshato, ngelixa ingcali ezimeleyo inakho cebisa Kwenzeka naphina ukusuka kwiipesenti ezingama-20 ukuya kwezingama-60 zobudlelwane. Nangona kunjalo, ngelixa (kwakhona) iipesenti ziyahluka ngokungafaniyo, kukho umxholo omnye oqhelekileyo osebenza kuzo zonke ezi zibalo: amadoda athambekele ekukhohliseni ngaphezulu kwabafazi.

Unjingalwazi uAlicia M Walker ufunda ubudlelwane obusondeleyo, isini kunye nokungathembeki, kwaye ngo-2017 wabhala le ncwadi Ubomi obufihlakeleyo bomfazi okopayo , isiphumo sophando lonyaka kwimicimbi yabasetyhini. Namhlanje, ukhupha incwadi yakhe entsha, Ukuleqa ubudoda: Amadoda, ukuqinisekiswa kunye nokungathembeki , esekwe kudliwanondlebe namadoda angama-46 asebenzise indawo yokuthandana engaphandle komtshato uAshley Madison ukukopela kumaqabane abo.

Ndithethile naye malunga nomsebenzi wakhe.

MediaMente: Ngaba umangalisiwe kukuzimisela kwamadoda ukuthetha nawe, ngenxa yokuba besenza into eyimfihlo?
UNjingalwazi Alicia M Walker: Into endiyithathayo kukuba xa uthatha inxaxheba kwinto ekufutshane kakhulu kuyo, uya kukwamkela ithuba lokuthetha nomntu ongakhethi cala ngokupheleleyo. Ngexesha elithile kudliwanondlebe, wonke umntu othathe inxaxheba endinaye uya kuthi abelane nam ukuba ngoobani, amajelo abo ezentlalo, imisebenzi yabo nezinto ezinjalo. Wonke umntu ufuna ukubonwa, ndiyacinga.

Uthetha ngabantu abakhupha udliwanondlebe phakathi. Ngaba unayo enye impendulo ekumangalisileyo?
Ndandinomdla othabathayo inxaxheba. Besilugqibe ngokupheleleyo udliwanondlebe, kwaye mhlawumbi iiveki ezimbini, ezintathu emva koko wandithumelela i-imeyile ukuba indixelele ngokweenkcukacha malunga nale mvakwemini ayichithe nalo mfazi. Uye wangena kuyo yonke le nkcazo malunga nendlela awayengathandeki ngayo. Ukuqulunqwa kwakhe kwebali yile: Andiyenzi le nto ngesisa ngokulala nalo mfazi ekungekho mntu unokufuna ukulala naye. Wayendicenga ukuba nditsho ukuba ngubani umntu omkhulu, kwaye andiphendulanga njalo. Wandiqumbela, wandiphatha gadalala, wathi, Akwaba ndandingazange ndithethe nawe. Ndithe, Kulungile & ampos; ndiya kususa yonke idatha yakho kuphononongo.

Ucinga ntoni ngokugwetywa kwamadoda asebenzisa u-Ashley Madison kwaye angamaxhoba okuqhekeka ngo-2015? Benza ntoni ukuzibulala ezinxulumene ngolwaphulo sixelele?
Ndacinga ukuba kuyothusa ngokwenene ukuba abantu baphathwe kakubi. Yile & apos; ilahleko nje engeyomfuneko neyothusayo yobomi. Abantu baya kuthi, Abo bantu bakufumene oko kufanelekileyo. Kodwa ngaba benjenjalo? Kutheni kulungile ukuba umntu aphule abantu & apos; imfihlo? Iifolokhwe zihlala zikhawuleza ukugweba umntu ozihambileyo kwiifoto kunokuba benjalo ukugweba umntu obile iifoto- endicinga ukuba zithetha nje kukungonwabi esinako ngesondo kunye nomzimba womntu. I-Ashley Madison kunye ne-apos; yinkampani yezigidi zeedola. Inika inkonzo efuneka kakhulu kubantu abaninzi. Kuya kuba nemveliso ngakumbi xa usithi, Yintoni esinokuyihlengahlengisa okanye siyilungise enokunciphisa amaxabiso abantu abaziva ngathi le yinto ekufuneka beyenzile?

Ngaba ukhe walwamkela uvelwano ngamadoda aqhathayo? Ngaba uyikwere njani ngovelwano kumaqabane?
And & apos; andinguye ukungathembeki ngokungathembeki ngayo nayiphi na intambo. I & apos; Ndiyazi ngokupheleleyo into yokuba nakuphi na ukufunyanwa kokuqhathwa kuyonakalisa. Kodwa sithanda ukuba nayo yonke into emnyama nomhlophe. Xa uthetha nabantu abathatha inxaxheba kwimicimbi, ukhawuleza ukhawuleze uqaphele ukuba ii-apos aziyonyani. Abantu abaninzi bayakopa ngenxa yesidingo esithile esingazalisekiswanga; banento abangakwaziyo ukuqhubeka ngaphandle kwayo, kwaye abafuni ukwahlukana nolwalamano olonwabileyo noluthandanayo.

Oko kuvakala kukuzingca, kodwa eyona nto ndiyicingayo yile, 'Yeyiphi imeko elusizi kuye wonke umntu obandakanyekayo.' elona xabiso lincinci lokukhetha kunye nokugweba esinakho.

Luye lwavela njani uncwadi malunga nokukopa?
Uninzi lwemilinganiselo esele ithathiwe yathatyathwa kuPhando oluBanzi lwezeNtlalontle, into enkulu kakhulu - nangona kunjalo, iqokelelwa buqu, rhoqo kakhulu kumalungu osapho lwakho. Ke sicinga ukuba amaxabiso okungathembeki axelwe kuloo datha asezantsi. Njengokuba siye sahamba saya kuphando lwe-intanethi nakwizinto ezinjalo, siziva ngathi & nathi mhlawumbi sisondela kancinci kwisehlo. Ngokubanzi, sithatha nje ukuba ingxelo engachazwanga. I-apos kuphela kwimbali entle yamva nje apho siqale khona ukujonga ngakumbi ukuthatha inxaxheba kwabafazi. Kodwa zonke izizathu ezinokubangela ukonyuka kwenxaxheba yabaseTyhini nayo inokubangela ukwanda kwengxelo.

Kwincwadi yakho yangaphambili ufumanise ukuba abantu basetyhini bayakhohlisa ikakhulu kulonwabo ngokwesondo. Kule ncwadi, uthi amadoda ayaqhatha ikakhulu ngenxa yeemvakalelo. Ngaba indlela yethu yokukhohlisa yindlela engeyiyo?
Kuya kufuneka ndicinge ukuba kukho iyantlukwano phakathi komntu ongena kwisiza esifana no-Ashley Madison kwaye enze iprofayili kunye nomntu ovelisa umntu asebenza naye-ukukopela endle, njengoko ndithanda ukuyibiza njalo. Kodwa ngabantu endithethe nabo ku-Ashley Madison, ewe, kuyabonakala ukuba uninzi lwabasetyhini lwalukopela ngokukodwa kulonwabo lwesondo. Babe pragmatic kakhulu malunga naloo nto.

Amadoda abalisa ibali elahluke kakhulu, kungekuphela malunga nenkuthazo yabo, kodwa kwanamandla okusebenzisana kwabo okuphambili. Bayabathanda abafazi babo; Nangona kunjalo, baziva ngokwenene ukuba bayasebenza kubudlelwane obabungekho kakhulu kulwalamano olusenyongweni. Ke kwasekuqaleni, kwakukhangeleka ngathi kukwahlulwa ngokwesini, kodwa isixhenxe sabafazi sichaze amandla asekhaya afanayo nezo zinto bathetha ngazo la madoda. La madoda asixhenxe ayenjengala madoda.

Ngaba ufumanise ukuba ukuphanda kunye nokubhala incwadi kukweyisile ukuba umntu ongatshatanga naye akanakunyanzeliswa ukuba abe yiyo yonke into?
Awungekhe usebenze kwaye awucingi nokucinga. Isiqingatha sabasetyhini endithethe nabo [kwincwadi edlulileyo] sathi, Ndinqwenela ngokwenene ukuba ndingavula umtshato wam; Ndicinga ukuba wonke umntu angonwaba ngakumbi. Amadoda ayengenamdla kwaphela koko. Abafazi bathetha ngento yokuba, xa besenza le micimbi, babenazo ezi ncoko zichazayo, ezibonisa ngokucacileyo malunga noko bakulindeleyo. Bonke bathi, andizange ndincokole ngoluhlobo ngaphambi kokuba nditshate, kwaye ndinqwenela ukuba bendinayo. Ukuthatha okukhulu, ndicinga ukuba, kufuneka sibe neencoko ezininzi ngaphambi kokuba singene kubudlelwane, kodwa nje ukuba sizenze kubo, kufuneka siqhubeke sithetha-nokuba kunzima.

Uninzi lwabantu luya kuthi umntu okopayo kubudlelwane kufuneka ashiye, kunokuba aphile ubomi obumbaxa.
Kulula kakhulu ukuxelela amadoda ukuba amunce, kodwa uyazi, konke oko kubonakala ngathi sikwenza? Ngokucacileyo ii-apos azisebenzi. Iintsapho zikopa ngenani elikhulu kakhulu. Endaweni yokuthumela ukugweba abantu, kufuneka sizame indlela entsha kwaye kufuneka sizame ukuqonda: zeziphi izinto eziguqukayo emsebenzini? Abantu abaninzi bakufumanisa kunzima kakhulu ukushiya umntu abamthandayo, nokuba kukho izinto ngaphakathi kolo lwalamano zingenakulinganiswa. Ekupheleni kosuku, kula madoda eyona nto ibiyiyo, bayabathanda abafazi babo. Bayabathanda. Into endiyivileyo kuyo yonke ingxelo yile, Oku kukonyusa ukuzithemba kwam kwaye ndiziva ndibhetele ngam kwaye & ampos; ndizifumana iimfuno zam, kodwa gosh ndinqwenela ukuba ndiyifumene le emfazini wam. Bahlala kuba banethemba; Ndiyathemba ukuba kwinqanaba elithile izinto ziya kutshintsha ekhaya.

Ukuleqa ubudoda: Amadoda, ukuqinisekiswa kunye neZazisi (uPalgrave Macmillan) uphume ngomhla we-14 kaJanuwari ka-2021.

@SABCiindaba